The Wandering Author Returns

I truly did not plan to be away so long. On New Year's Day, when I'd hoped to post, I discovered my firewall software had auto-updated and was now fighting it out with my anti-virus software. I located and downloaded a new firewall program, only to confront the fact that something, whether the "security wars" or a long-time accumulation of junk in my system, had left my system dangerously unstable. Roughly half the time I booted up, the system froze immediately on reaching my Desktop.

After a few weeks of tweaks, fiddling, removing a few fonts, clearing out junk from the Registry, and all those other fun things that keep Windows systems above water a little longer, I had a bit more luck, but I was still not too confident. So I began trying to go through all my software (yes, you say, that is the problem) so I could restore my system to the condition it was in when I bought it, then reinstall only the programs I need.

In the middle of that, the Brisbane flu paid me a visit, despite the flu shot I got last fall. February passed in a haze of fever, while I've been frantically trying to finish going through my software (I have about 200 CD-ROMs, and much more downloaded freeware), work, catch up with everything else in my life, and fit in a little writing.

Ah, yes, writing. I can discuss it a little more now. My friend Jim, who my wife and I found dead on his kitchen floor last September, wanted to write as well. He was one of the most intelligent people I've ever known, and I always assumed he was a better writer than I was. I never dared show him anything of mine, because I was too much in awe. He always said his stuff was crap, or worse, but we all say that, and since he was embarrassed to show it to me, I didn't press the point.

After he died, we found a few creative writing courses, but not a single word Jim had written. He was so unhappy with it that he destroyed it all at some point. Between the shock of finding him, then finding out he'd destroyed all trace of his writing (and I guarantee you, far worse than anything he ever turned out since the age of ten has been published), I was unable to write at all.

I struggled with attempts to force myself to do writing exercises, or to write a story as a tribute to Jim, but no words would come; anything I got on paper was jumbled and useless. I'm not just being down on my work here; it really wasn't half as good as I know I can do. I decided to sign up for the two year novel writing course at Forward Motion, in hopes that would get me jump started.

I'm happy to say, it worked! I've got a very tiny start on a new novel, and plan to keep going until it's done. I'll be doing other writing as well, of course, now that I can again. Trying to keep up with assignments is one thing that's kept me away; that, and the residual exhaustion from the flu.

I had hoped to make a grand return, and fix all my broken links, clean up the template, and start posting regularly - all at once. That isn't going to happen. I need to start slowly, and I need to consider exactly where I'll go with this blog, and my online presence in general. Everything that has happened has just hardened my determination to be a writer. I will keep at it until I am published, or die trying.

In addition, Jim's cat, Julius, is doing well, which is a good thing - he is one of the sweetest cats I've known. Yet that means continued vet bills to keep him as healthy as possible; bags of IV fluids, medications, visits. So I do need to begin looking for a way to bring in a little more income than I am. I hope to do it in a way that will be fair to all my readers; you won't see a sudden explosion of ads for all kinds of junk.

I'll discuss those plans later, and a few ideas I have for making a bit of money by writing. I just wanted to let you know I was alive; Lehane's efforts to drag me out have had their effect, of course. (The subtle signs are all there, even if he denies it. Lehane is to blame for my return, no matter what he says.) I'd started a humourous story in which Lehane entered cyberspace in an effort to find me and drag me out, but I haven't managed to finish that.

I won't be posting all that regularly right at first. One of the things I've been trying to catch up on, which has kept me exhausted, is helping Jim's son as far as I can with the probate. He has an interest in some land, and I looked up the records on it for him to save him the lawyer's fees. It was a good thing I did! I had to sift through nearly two dozen deeds on the property to get to where I could make any sense of the tangled trades back and forth within the family.

In fact, this isn't much of a post. I simply remembered my blog (I needed the URL, and that got me thinking), missed it, and sat down here to let my thoughts flow out of my fingers in this long, rambling fashion. I do hope to do better soon. I have plans, either for this blog or a new web site, to make it a more useful resource for writers. There are a few areas I'm pretty good at, and I hope I can help some of the rest of you in those areas. I will also be catching up on previous projects that lost ground between my sickness last year and Jim's death. I hope my regular readers will gradually notice that I'm back, and put up with me until I get the hang of writing directly from the keyboard, with little or no editing, once again.

When It Rains, It Pours

As my regular readers know, I've been slowly recovering from heat exhaustion. The other week, we went to see a relative (by marriage, but I consider him a relative) and friend. He has been ill for some time, we hadn't seen him in a while, so we wanted to go. We all enjoyed the visit, although it was obvious he wished it could last longer.

So, last Wednesday, we drove up again to see him, and try to cheer him up. I was worried, as he really didn't seem to be doing well. (He had diabetes, and had developed breathing problems after beginning to take one of the medications his doctors put him on.) Still, we enjoyed the visit, and planned to come back soon and often. On Saturday evening my wife called him as she did every night to check on him, and got no answer.

This would happen sometimes, if he was asleep and didn't hear the phone, or if he was out. So she called several times, still getting no answer. We were very worried, and she left a message telling him if she didn't hear from him by the next morning we were coming up to see how he was. Well, when we heard nothing by Sunday morning, we drove up there. He'd given my wife keys in case of emergency some time ago.

We drove up, and his car was there, but he wasn't outside where he liked to sit. We went to his door and knocked and called out but got no answer. So we went in and found him lying on his kitchen floor. We called 911 at once, and the paramedics got there fairly quickly. I was outside to show them which apartment he was in, and I led them in, they came in, took one look at him, and said "He's dead." without even tryint to revive him. He'd just recently turned 66.

When the police came, and the medical examiner determined his medical condition from his doctors, he ruled that no autopsy was necessary, but the police are fairly sure he died instantly, sometime on Saturday. The world is much poorer because he is no longer a part of it, but I can't write about him right now. I'm still too upset, and trying to get used to the idea. He was the closest friend I had. I thought he might wind up in the hospital a while, but I never expected this.

What makes it all so much worse is that he had two cats. They were inside with him when it happened; they are indoor cats. They had enough time to figure out what had happened, and are traumatized. They aren't even eating much, and they are, even for cats, huge eaters. They are grieving as well for the person they loved. We'd promised him we'd see that they were taken care of if anything happened to him.

Now, I wish with all my heart, for a number of reasons, including the fact that I love those cats, and the fact that just because they were Jim's I can't bear never to see them again, that I could take them myself, but I have three cats (two of my own, and one who is my son's). They are also indoor cats; in the part of New England where I live, you keep your cats indoors (or take them out only on a leash) or see them dead in a very short time.

My cats are all young, and are fairly well adjusted, but the space we have is just about enough for them. Two are neutered toms, and each one thinks he is the boss, although their squabbles don't get out of hand. Jim's cats are both old, former strays, and one is a former street fighter, now neutered, but still with the instincts to pick a fight with any rivals. So there is no chance I can take them.

So, I called a no-kill shelter, hoping if they couldn't take them in themselves they might at least be able to offer advice. They were sympathetic, but what they told me was that at their ages, 17 and 10, and as former strays who are problematic or needy, no shelter would consider taking them in, and I'd have a hard time finding anyone else who would, either.

They were kind enough to suggest something that was too late in this case, but that I'm glad to know about: many shelters are beginning to offer programs where you donate a certain amount of money and they guarantee to take your cats if anything happens to you. However, in this case, too late. The cats are living, right now, in the empty apartment, which is about two hours, one way, from us. Morning and evening, they have to be fed...

They are loving and affectionate cats who right now desperately need reassurance and affection. I promised my friend I'd see they were taken care of. I cannot just have them killed because there is no place in the world for them. I thought, once before in my life, that I knew what it was like to be "between a rock and a hard place". I was literally physically sick from the strain. And yet, I wasn't trapped as badly as I thought; I had no idea. This is what it means to be caught between a rock and a hard place.

I can't even think straight tonight, between my grief and my worry over the cats. I'd planned to post over the weekend, but of course that didn't happen. Until I can find an answer for those poor grieving cats (perhaps my greatest weakness is this: I can't stand seeing animals grieve; if I'd seen a pet of Hitler's grieving for him, I'd even have shed a few tears) I'm going to be too busy to blog. When I have an answer, I'm going to have to catch up on work...

There is only one exception: please come back in the next few days, because I will be making the time for one very important post - an update on Red's Book.

Urgent Information for Pet Owners

This post has been edited, to clarify or update certain information; added portions are highlighted in red.

If you have a pet, or know someone who has a pet, please take a moment to read this post. The pet food recall keeps widening, with a new announcement today! And there is no assurance the recalls are over. Many people think they've heard about this already, but many new foods have been recalled. Every pet owner needs to read the most up-to-date information!

While mostly wet food is affected, there are dry foods listed as well. The ASPCA recommends rejecting any food, even if it is not on the recalled list, if it contains any of the ingredients found to be contaminated to date. Personally, I think that is the safest course. I urge every concerned pet owner to at least read the ASPCA's FAQs on this subject. Some significant points include: their caution that it is not known if more ingredients are contaminated, the fact that even dogs seem to be affected, and their note that cats are especially sensitive to this danger.

Also, I won't name my vet, since he didn't agree to be quoted, but I've spoken with him on this subject. I have had good and bad experiences with vets; with good cause, I travel a significant extra distance to visit this particular vet. My three cats ate some of the recalled food; I had to have them tested. On my vet's recommendation, since he found one affected dog who almost 'slipped through the cracks', I had both blood and urine testing done. The tests came back with no indication of any damage. In spite of that, my vet explicitly and pointedly told me to continue monitoring them for any signs of illness. This may be partly an instinct for caution on his part - but I rely on his instincts to keep my cats healthy and safe.

Therefore, I'm posting links to some of the most important sites where you can learn more, and my own comments about those sites. I would prefer that you link to this post, since I intend to keep it as up-to-date as I can, but please, however you do it, get the word out!

Bookmark this post, send anyone you know who has pets here, steal my post - I hereby place the one post which includes this statement in the public domain - or create your own better version, but make sure every pet owner has access to this information. Kidney failure is a horrible way to die.

If you know of a resource you think I should add, please mention it in the comments. If you have a question, leave that too, and I'll try to find the answer for you. (I can't promise an answer, but any possibility an innocent animal might die of kidney failure is more than enough to guarantee I'll give it everything I have.)

American Veterinary Medical Association They're working harder than the FDA to provide up-to-date information. This is the main page, with links to a list of recalled foods, links to manufacturer's sites, and many other important resources. I highlight a few below.

AVMA: Recalled Products List This list is not guaranteed to be complete - I suggest every pet owner read their and the ASPCA's FAQs and the ingredients of their pet's food carefully. However, this list is far more up-to-date than the FDA's own site.

AVMA: Resources for Pet Owners A list of links to useful resources for pet owners.

ASPCA: Recall FAQ: Every pet owner should read, and take to heart, all the advice here.

ASPCA: List of Recalled Foods Another attempt to list every recalled brand and type of pet food. Again, it seems to be more up-to-date than the FDA. It is a very good idea to check this and the AVMA list at least daily.

ASPCA: Recall - Recent Updates If you're in a hurry, this lets you quickly scan the most recent news. Don't rely on it until you've checked the full list at least once.

FDA: Official Recall Information It is very clear the FDA is more concerned with protecting company profits than animals' lives - still, since they're so reluctant to release information, this may be the first place you'll learn an important detail.

FDA: (Outdated) List of Recalled Foods Although when I checked, the list did not include foods for which a recall had been announced on the date the list was supposedly updated, this is an additional list to double-check, just in case.

To Pet A Tiger

These cute little creatures, comfortably cuddling each other, are my two kittens. They're slightly over a year old in this picture, so technically not kittens, but I think of them as my kittens anyway. They came as tiny orphans who had to be bottle fed.

I wrote an earlier post about one of their adventures. Since I have almost no time to write a post tonight, I thought some of my readers might like to see what they look like. The tiger on the left is Tristan Brighteyes, Hero; the tiger on the right is Stargazer, Miss. Chevious (a name I selected after I realised the phonetic spelling in the earlier post was open to misunderstanding).

As you can all see, I can have the pleasure of petting a tiger whenever I would like. Tristan loves to greet me, whenever I come in, calling out to me, his tail high in the air. Miss Chevious likes to drop by while I'm working on the computer, to see what tips she can pick up. One day, she will be blogging on her own (without any human to type for her, either - I've had some smart cats, including one who would try to speak over a dozen human words, and this girl is smart.

For those of you who are wondering, I still intend to finish the novel, but my hopes of completing 50,000 words by the end of the month are about as bouyant as the Titanic. Of course, the novel would be longer than that, and will require editing. All in all, I don't expect it to make an appearance in the world until sometime next year. I hope to have it out by spring or summer, but as always, life has a habit of changing the "best laid plans of mice and men."